Monday, October 5, 2009

Why I Am Single...

I get this question a lot... So I will give you the background of why Nikki is single. STANDARDS <---- that's why.

I was in a so-called relationship where I allowed myself to become something I clearly was not. I allowed things to happen that I was not ok with and I plain was in a state to where I felt that maybe if I stayed and showed that person I cared, things would change. Guess what ya'll... 2 years later NOTHING CHANGED. I was stupid- never in denial. I was being used, abused, and plain disrespected. BECAUSE I ALLOWED IT.

Any man that feels it is ok to put everything and everybody ahead of you- ain't worth it. Any man that feels like they would rather sit in a club than come home to you- ain't worth it. Any man that feels it's ok to entertain 'hoes' when he knows he has a woman- ain't worth it and he ain't no man.
You see- I had to learn the hard way that some people are plain users, and they are also losers- they blame the world for their problems, and want you to be the recipient of their frustration then claim they did whatever else they did because they loved you. BULLSHIT. There ain't NO LOVE in a situation like that! the least someone with nothing can do is treat you right- I couldn't even get that. Wow- what an eye opener.
I know what I am worth, and know my capabilities. I am not going to keep begging someone to treat me like a woman, or love me right- I am not going to act like I am not worthy of being treated properly after everything I have dealt with IN dealing with that person. I'm not a rude bitch, although I should have been and I don't cheat to get back. I hit where it hurts; I'll leave you alone and move on with my life. I simply womaned up to what I wanted and came to the solid conclusion that what I wanted certainly was not going to come from this individual, due to their selfish ways. He was telling me in a million different ways he wanted to be everywhere else, but with me. I just needed to accept it. Point blank- I deserve more and better than that, so I acted on it and dropped his ass like a bad habit. I can be with someone who wants to be with me and be happy. I have no regrets, because I was the woman I was supposed to be- but I promise he's full of regret, wishing he made those simple changes. Now he's just another dude on the 'damn I messed up, and I miss Nikki' list.
The man I intend to be with knows what he has HERE WITH ME and none of the above is better than that. I am a wonderful woman with a wonderful personality. I have a career- 2 of them actually and my head is on right. I have it going on from head to to toe, inside and out. That cat was turning me into an unhappy, insecure- bitch. Then I ran across that video by Lewis Williams, and that was the smack in the head I needed... I am not married to this fool, so why am I trying to stick it out, work it out, help out, do for, through bad, worse and worse??? I was the only one in love trying to get it right; he was ok with the way that fucked off relationship was; thats why that night he didn't feel compelled to bring himself home instead of the club...I realized that was happening, nothing was changing and decided it was either him or me; and I chose me. Period. I will never again allow no dude to dictate how much time, and love I am worthy of. I deserve EVERYTHING I GIVE in return! That all just brought me back full circle to an old saying of mines that I will uphold: "I respect me- you will do the same or you will go away..."

And to top it off- Look at me; I'm sexy as hell- what I look like acting like I'm not????? You better recognize. lol

1 comment:

AndreaM said...

I'm proud of you and you know I agree. 110%